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Atila’s Studio

Atila’s Studio

@atilacore.bsky.social

This is where I make things and let people see the making, low pressure, long-form, and real.

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25Posts

1mo agoLast active

Borderline Successful: At Least I’ll Have My Bees

I used to love the idea of settling down with someone. Now I just want to settle. Not for someone. Into a life that belongs to me. I want a cottage with wide-plank wood floors and an office in a turret where I can scribble in my journal. I want a lavender farm and bees, jars of lavender honey for the neighbors on holidays. I want to walk into town, buy that week’s loaf of bread, and chat with the shop workers. I want to marvel at how big the florist’s grandchildren have gotten, and smile when th...

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Borderline Successful: Everyone Wants a Bite

Content note: This post discusses alcohol and drug use, explicit sexual activity, questions of consent, and feeling used after a sexual encounter. This summer, I was involved with someone I’ll call G for about six weeks. The connection was supposed to be casual, friends first. It quickly became too intimate, too public, and too much like dating. When I tried to name that during a wine-and-cheese night, it came out as a frantic, slightly unhinged “what are we?” G decided we should stop having sex...

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Borderline Successful: Hysterectomies and Why You Need to Back the Fuck Up

Content warning: Heavy menstrual bleeding, medical trauma and stress, surgery, reproductive health, medical racism, reference to historical involuntary sterilization. I had a period that lasted 26 days. It ended with emergency surgery to remove a fibroid from my womb. Before that, I spent weeks bleeding, calling doctors, forcing myself into work only to spend a quarter of the day in the bathroom, and texting people to bring pads in bulk to my office. So many super ultra jumbo tampons, paired wit...

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Borderline Successful: Starter Soulmate

Content note: This one is about dating, sex, rejection, and getting in your feelings about all of it.

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Borderline Successful: I’m Baby

Content warning: trauma, sexuality, kink/BDSM dynamics, age-gap relationship dynamics, dissociation, and blurred boundaries around care, submission, and control.

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Borderline Successful: Monogamy, Now?

Content warning: relationship anxiety, fear of abandonment, sex/dating, nonmonogamy, attachment insecurity, and struggles with self-worth.

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Borderline Successful: Better On My Back

Content warning: dating fatigue, sex, stigma, emotional overwhelm, mental health spirals, rejection sensitivity, and feeling reduced to your body. Moon: Gemini Sun: Cancer

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What’s Playing in the Studio: Daring to Stay Soft

Step into What’s Playing in the Studio, my playful music check-in—part experiment, part time capsule, and all about the joy of sharing what’s on repeat. This one is the soft / low-stimulation side of the menu—pretty, moody, lyrics-forward comfort listening with a tender edge. A tight little menu for soft comfort + tender ache + melodrama-as-release.

Borderline Successful: Guessing Instead of Asking (Unsent Notes, 2022–2023)

This post is a collection of old, unsent phone notes from the same relationship, written between 2022 and 2023. They follow a months-long cycle of thoughts I could have shared with my partner. These notes show how I tried to figure out closeness by guessing and reading into things, instead of just asking directly. I’m not with this person anymore, and that’s a good thing. I still love them, but being in love made me spiral. What made it so intense was how often I treated uncertainty like it was ...

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Borderline Successful: Letting People Love Me

Content warning and context: this post discusses sex, nudity, body image after major body changes, BPD disclosure, fear around intimacy, and old patterns of confusing being wanted, hunted, or hurt with being loved. It’s exhausting, watching someone fall in love with your public-facing self: the lilt in my voice; confidence wafting through the air like my lavender oil; right on the edge of sassy and rude. That person is me, yes, but it’s still a filter. Tea without the leaves. In private, I like ...

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Borderline Successful: Recovery, in public (Did you eat today?)

Content warning: eating disorder / disordered eating (discussion of food habits, body image, and recovery). contextual note: I had a gastric sleeve (weight loss surgery) in 2019. In 2022, I was diagnosed with anorexia. I still technically carry that diagnosis. What did you have for lunch today?

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Tarot Check-ins: 1-card vibe check: 5 minutes, no pressure

If tarot has been calling your name but you don’t want to start with a full spread, this is the gateway practice. One card. One question. Five minutes. No pressure, no lore test, no “am I doing it wrong?” panic. This is reflection work, not a roadmap. I’m not going to include numbers or anything that functions like instructions for self-destruction.