I’ve been struggling

I got hired at my college. I’ve got an interview for an internship tomorrow.

I should be doing well, I should be feeling better, but I’m not.

I’ve been neglecting my blog. I’ve been neglecting a lot of things actually, I’m behind on my homework (and it isn’t even hard homework). I’m behind on my chores.

I miss the sun. It’s been raining for a week here in Albuquerque. This is abnormal, highly atypical even. It’s monsoon season, sure, but we’ve received almost a year’s worth of rain this last week. I want to go out to the foothills.

My family is coming to visit me in a few days. I should be excited about this. I’ve been asking them to visit me for literal years and they’re finally making the trip and all I feel is anxiety, sadness, a worry that things are going to somehow go back to how they were when I was a teen.

I’m depressed. This happens to me. Bouts of melancholy, as my partner calls them. Not two weeks ago I was happy as a clam, this week I’ve cried probably 15 times and I can’t even point to where the feelings are coming from. I feel like I need a long nap. I need to go into a torpor for the next few months or something.

At least my code is getting better.

Love y’all, hope everyone is doing well.
Nora