The Martian Who Had One Wish but Wanted Three Things
The Amp Genie A Martian came to Earth and fell hopelessly in love with a hard drive. He had his reasons. He was absolutely convinced it was a magic lamp. The USB port, obviously, was its mouth. Now, a hard drive is not a magic lamp. But once someone has watched three YouTube Shorts and...
The Amp Genie
Martian came to Earth and fell hopelessly in love with a hard drive.
He had his reasons.
He was absolutely convinced it was a magic lamp.
The USB port, obviously, was its mouth.
Now, a hard drive is not a magic lamp.
But once someone has watched three YouTube Shorts and made up his mind, the instruction manual doesn’t stand much of a chance.
So the Martian did what he’d seen online.
He rubbed the hard drive.
Once.
Twice.
Three times.
Poof.
Smoke curled into the air.
The Martian froze.
A genie had actually appeared.
There was just one small problem.
He wasn’t a Lamp Genie.
He was an Amp Genie.
The Amp Genie cleared his throat and spoke with unnecessary grandeur.
“I shall grant you one wish.”
This presented the Martian with a problem.
He wanted three things.
$.
The voice of a certain band’s singer.
And the ability to sing one of that band’s songs perfectly.
Three things.
One wish.
The Martian thought about this for a moment.
Then he chose a strategy humans have been using against complicated problems for generations.
He yelled everything at once.
“$!!
THAT SINGER’S VOICE!!
AND LET ME SING THAT SONG PERFECTLY!!”
The Amp Genie stared at him.
“……?”
There was another problem.
This genie wasn’t exactly a wish specialist.
He worked in audio.
From somewhere behind him, he produced an enormous amplifier.
It had three knobs.
He turned the first.
MONEY.
The second.
VOICE.
Then he reached the third.
He looked at the $.
He looked at the Martian.
He looked back at the $.
A long pause.
Then the label on the final knob slowly changed.
INSANE.
Click.
The Martian opened his mouth.
And—
started singing in a completely unhinged voice.
“AAAAARGH!!
THAT’S NOT THE VOICE I WANTED!!”
The Amp Genie shrugged.
“Next time…”
He pointed at the hard drive.
“Maybe check that it’s actually a lamp before you rub it.”
Silence.
“I do amps.”
But now we have a different question.
Why, out of every voice in the universe, did this Martian want
the voice of Baby Richman’s singer?
And the song he was so desperate to sing?
〈Lights Down〉.
Apparently, this voice and this song were worth putting his $ on the line for.
Which does make you curious.
Wait.
Are we seriously about to trust a Martian’s taste in music?
Well.
We’ve come this far.
There’s only one way to find out.
Was the Martian onto something?
Or—
did the Amp Genie mess up again?
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